laura_crunk

ummm

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 20:20:30 GMT

nothing has really changed
besides the fact that I'm a lot happier with everything
i have a allergic reaction right now to some kind of bug that bit me
lame
tomorrow is fathers day
and im going up to the lake.
to cause a scene
actually,
to see my little bro, Jack. (john)

uhh. i still have zero friends
and i like it that way
like now, im not even friends with ericka
fuck everyone
its better this way
im tired.

save me

Sat, 19 May 2007 04:59:53 GMT

Alright. so right now would be the best time to write, if any. Current location : Brock port. with Jeremy. We're at his friends house. Everyone is getting trashed. And by everyone, I mean besides myself. Of course. So here I am. alone in a room... Thinking. And I've never been happier. It makes me respect, and care for the life I live. I am not sure how, but I have changed my life dramatically, in just 5 months. I never thought I, ''Laura Crunk'' could sit at a party, in a corner, and stay sober. Weird. But any who. I guess I am happy. I mean, the only other thing in the world i would ask for is my father and I to get along. I defonitly miss him. More than anyone could ever imagine. All I think about is how much I needed him a few months ago, and he did the one thing I never could repay him for, he kept me alive, and helped me hold on when I wanted to give up the most. I think about how I used to cry for him. This sucks. And how do I repay him? By copping out. Not being able to live with the responsibilities he gave me, why? because I simply was too lazy. I wish I could have left the good way, on good terms. I'd turn everything around if I could. So why dwell now. I know it's too late. But it bothers me so much. I just dread the day if something happens. god forbid. I just want to be able for him to be apart of my life. It's obvious we cant live together, and thats not what I want. I need to have this responsibility. I need to grow the fuck up. He doesn't understand how much I love him, and it kills me. I think I'll stop, before I get myself so worked up over something that only time can change.
My friend situation is shitty. It's so weird. Its like i have myself trained... I don't go out. I have almost convinced myself that I need to be home after work or else I'll be in trouble. or something weird like that. but I live on my own, I don't understand it. I guess being forced not to hang out with my old friends actually made me want to hang out with them... because now, I don't even want to do anything with anyone. Jeremy makes me so happy. I feel bad though. I try and convince myself that he is going to fuck me over, like everyone has always done my entire life, so I end up pushing him away. Thank god he doesn't give up easy. I am pretty independant emotionally compared to before. I thought i needed them, wrong answer. but drunk people are encouraging me to socialize. so maybe i'll go be amused by them, or something... who knows. sorry for ranting about nothing?

Wed, 09 May 2007 01:10:17 GMT

update?

i now work for the gavras center, with the mentally disabled. i love it. i live with my sister sara. and im not complaining. even though i have the best boyfriend in the world, my life is a crazy freaking mess. i supposed im living day to day trying to figure myself out. its complicated. my life belongs to work and jeremy. im still not complaining. i lost all my friends. when i say all, i mean it. well, except for ericka. but it sucks. people who i thought would be there forever, slowly faded. and still fading. fuck everyone i guess

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 17:31:24 GMT

so i start my job today
im excited
but scared.
im scared about everything though

im kind of getting sick of everyone and everything again
it sucks
i wish i could stop living in fear
or something
idk..
i need to find a roomate to live with
im too scared to live alone
but alot of people i couldnt deal with
ya know.?
i want to live with my boyfriend
but hes got alot going on
and idk if he'd want to live in auburn
but i dont think i'd move anywhere but auburn

so who knows

someone whos responsible.
doesnt party
and preferably has a job
get at me?

word up, bitches

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 20:26:06 GMT

so bottle up old love
throw it out to sea
watch and wait
as you cry
a year has past
the seasons go

please just dont play with me
my paper heart will bleed

so everything in my life has gotten alot better. im alot happier.
im in love with the perfect guy, ever
i dont let anyone bring me down
i had alot of fun today for once
gosh.. ive missed laughing and having fun

fuck him

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 00:42:19 GMT

you were my star.
i never wondered,
i know who you are.
its afternoon.
im ready for bed.
ready to exist again.
in the drug of a dream.
all my friends say,
all my friends say.
fuck him,
you're beautiful.
all my friends say,
oh all my friends say...
ya, well, anyway..
im tired and im lost and im hollow and unfriendly.
you bastard, i loved you
i loved you
i loved you.
all my friends say,
all my friends say.
fuck him,
you're beautiful.
then my mind says,
then my mind says.
fuck him,
you're beautiful.
but it's unconvincing.
my heart must have earplugs.
cause im bleeding and bleeding
you're the one i am.needing.
this drug of a dream.
takes me over.
this drug of a dream.
last night we went flying.
we flew through an ocean.
we danced in the waves.
it was amazing it was amazing,
it was amazing.
i smashed my alarm clock against the wall.
i smashed it i smashed it i smashed it i smashed it.
'cause all i have to say,
all i have to say.
is fuck today,
'cause he was beautiful

=]

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 19:10:03 GMT

i didnt do much today. go figure.
i miss my newphew
i want pizza
and i need to shower
i miss jeremy
i keep thinking my boots is my cat
uhhh

but other than that
im tired

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 21:07:44 GMT

sometimes i get over whelmed.

too much shit
i fucking hate having to deal with shit like this

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 16:50:56 GMT

verrry long time since ive updated.
nothing is really going on though
me and vince broke up...
about damn time right.
its probably what everyones thinking
sometimes i miss him...
other times i dont.
we were close.
but maybe not close at all

everything confuses me.
ive been talking to tyler alot..
hes like my bestfriend
he understands alot of shit im going through

im talking to vinny online right now
shoot me

i miss jeremy, he might be the awesomest guy ever
=]
i love him
i couldnt ask for anyone more perfect

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 19:44:49 GMT

i have the biggest urge to get SHIT FACEDDDDDD

who's down?

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 17:37:12 GMT

todays my birthday!!
go me
umm
i dont think anything is going on today
but who cares
i defonitly had too many partys for my birthday
enough for the rest of my life haha
we partied like all week
fun timess
i love my friends
and without them i wouldnt be very far
i am supposed to go to moms...
i reeeallllly wanted to
but then i think he's bailing out
lame.
but idk
i had alot of fun last night
me jessica carissa katie and terry walked around auburn
hahahahaha
idk. long story
but we do have a cool new g bong
go us!
i love that candy cane
myspace isnt working
is it depressing anyone else?
k. good
my eyes are tired
and i didnt get to sleep till 700
and my mom called me at 5 am

<3 go mom!!!!!!!!

Sat, 16 Dec 2006 01:50:29 GMT

im getting sick of fucking everything. and grrrrrr. idk what to do

special k8.....

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 18:26:28 GMT

so katie dungey is sexy
sexy as fuck

<3 muaaaaah

i love her. shes my fuckking best friend
i'd die without her
i'd die for her

<3 im so happy shes finally happy

we made out. haha

i miss her.
shes up stairs
idk. i dont want what im doing to ruin us
it wont
i would never let it
she means too much to mee

dizzle shizzle wizzle

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 18:22:01 GMT

so im upset
but happy
idk its weird
dad blew me off
but jessica wants to chill
idk.
i want to fix everything with me and her
i love her
its hard growing up without her
yeah im lame
i want to straighten my hair
but im sweating
not a good combo.
noone updates livejournal anymore
laura crunk wants to get wasted
i have court tomorrow
but everything will be fine
i talked to my lawyer
so im glad me and kyle are done
fuck him
dirtbag.
ummmmmmmmmmmm
my real dad changed my life
weirdddd
im not crazy and insecure and imature anymore
i grew up?
moved on.
maybe

i have a problem
buttt.
i dont
idk
i hate doods

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 01:55:59 GMT

i swear i'll update this for now on

um im at lattimore

fun times
im going upstairs soon

and vince is on his way

yey

i am stoke about tomorrow

<3

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 15:02:56 GMT

long time no update.
i live back home again
and im happy
me and kyle do not go out
and i defonitly dont want to get into that
i work too much
and everything is just kinda going i guess

=(

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 14:36:56 GMT

im sad.
i miss my family
well my dad and sisters and junk

Sun, 25 Jun 2006 00:11:11 GMT

soooo idk whats really been going on.. im living every day as i go
i got alot of hours at work
so thats a plus. and i'll be getting paid more
and the work is easier.
so whatever
i know what i want now
but its hard.
cant always get what you want
aint that the truth
i miss how shit used to be
its gay now

i guess im out<3

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 19:25:02 GMT

so im sitting in my room
it is soooooo hot

tonight will be okay
thank god
i need to do laundry too
i miss someone

<3

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 15:09:22 GMT

i think someone is jelous

=)

haha

dirtbags that have nothing else better to do with their lives

well. anywho. everything is getting alot better. im okay with most of my family. im so much happier. yeeeeeeey. uhhh. work is still gay. i want my monroe peirced again. hmmm. i think im going to go wake up jessica. for the fuck of it. i went to most of my finals. i have 1 more. connor graduated pre school. hes adorable.

and theres always nightmares on elm street

the end

=)

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 05:35:44 GMT

its a weird controversy with life right now. in between life and death. loght and dark. happy and sad. i am so torn between everything that i just DONT know what to do. i need someone to talk to. i talk to amy. she makes me feel better. but she seems to be the only one i can express myself to without the feeling of being judged or hated. i know im being judged. but if i cant talk to her i'll go INSANE. noone else knows. theres alot within me im hiding. theres alot i need to do. and figure out. im 17 years old. what the fuck am i going to do. my dad.. i love him so much. but i hate what hes doing. and idk if i can evenly weight those together and forgive him even the slightest bit. i am scared. i am a emotional wreck. more then a wreck though. a devistating tragedy. my sisters are scared for me. i dont want them to be. infact. they shouldnt be. im alright. i know i go a little nuts sometimes and do dumb things. but overall. im good. or am i? see. i dont even know. i had to leave the shop today because i couldnt stop crying because of my dad. and on my way home. who do i see? my dad. you know. as weird as it sounds. this will never really be concidered my 'home' idk why. but i just cant accept it. i need to though. im not going back. i miss sleeping alone. and having somwhere to know i can just relax and be bymyself. but i know as well as everyone else.. i cannot be left alone. maybe i sound dumb for saying all this shit. and it really makes no sence at all. but it does in my head. all of it. i can make sence of everything. although i cant make sence of anything. does that make sence? and where does my family come off thinking that im going to come back home and want to be with them if everytime i talk to them i hang up or leave crying my eyes out. and to be perfectly fucking honest. i hate karen. and i dont care what anyone says. you cant change that. i have alot going on right now. im trying to live day by day. and it sucks. i have no chpice of anything. i am not in control of my life. my life is in control of me. mother fucker.

im going to quit talking because im really just rambling. about shit that i shouldnt be rambling about.

so i decided on the tattoo im getting next. its sweeeeeet. im trying to find a pic that kinda looks like it. me and jessica are getting the same one. Theres this kitty here.... and its the brother to my two kittens.... and its beating iceman and grizzly up. haha, its cute. andy and bill got tattoos today as well. andy got a granade behind his ear... and bill got a whalebird on his wrist. its cool.

this is what i have in mind for my tatoo... just obviously tattoo styled and lettering amazing. and not drawn in =)

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 03:37:49 GMT

today wasnt fun. not at all

worst day ever
for a bunch of reasons
i miss amy so much
and im glad i can talk to her
even though i talk to her. i feel so far from her

dad and mine relationship is going nooo where and fast
im fed up basically

i miss alot
and i cried alot today
yeah im gay
well.
i guess im out....

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 07:23:01 GMT

im fucking pist at jessica right now.
she is starting shit for no reason
laura is pist
they dont need to know

i want nothing to do with my family. is that bad?
it could be
but i love amy
idk if she ever called back or not
i know jackie called
but idk

i know jessica started shit.
but how mature are they
fucking seriously
grow up
no reason for what they did
i am so upset
i feel lke im having a heart attack
a constant one

i am alot happier tonight than i really should be
all i can think about is idk
but i do know
i just need to keep that inside of me
and noone else can know
i am strating tomorrow with katie
and if i dont loose weight fast im going to freeeaaaak out
i love my life
well. idk
theres DEFONITLY ups and downs
i miss alot of things

back seats.

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

=)

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 03:38:04 GMT

go me.

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 03:32:24 GMT

ALright. new journal. go me... werd up son.

im happy.
for once
fuck everyone
besides the people who matter
aand theres few of them now a days
i have a drug test tomorrow

i'll pass